February 16, 2024

The Art Of Narcissistic Love: Unveiling Their Intense Affection

It is not easy to love or feel loved. Not even for healthy, mature individuals. Often, we need to do inner work to heal our inner child, practice self-love, and eventually allow another person to love us.
This task is enormous enough that you would not demand it from a child or someone with developmental difficulties.
Narcissists never had childhood, they have never met their inner child. They had to grow up quickly and take on board many “adult” issues caused mainly by their caretakers. No escape, no help, nobody to turn to. Nobody believed them even when they asked for help, as their predators always played saints outside.
Why do people demand the same quality of love from them as those who don’t even understand the meaning of the word “hardship”?
It does not feel fair, does it?
I can assure you that narcissists love. Yes, they do. Not the way you would want them, though. And most of the time, the conflict comes from your overgrown expectations.
I can show you how they love, but first …

Adoration

Narcissists cannot help themselves from pursuing an excessive need for admiration and recognition. It is present in every aspect of their life.
This constant need for validation from others must be exhausting. They do not avoid it in love, either.

When a narcissist wants you to adore them, you know they have fallen for you. And they will do anything to impress you. When they start sacrificing themself, their business or time and resources to hear from you at least one “Wow”, you can be sure they love you in their twisted way.
It will never occur to them that love, like any other high-frequency emotion, has to be reciprocal to make it work. They have to adore in return.
I know they would if they knew that they had to. They would do anything to make you love them. Nobody ever told them the rules of exchanging energies. They only know the lack of it, so they only take it.

But not because they are selfish, which is the most popular opinion among many people or professionals. It is offensive.
Adopt a small lion, feed it to a grown-up age, and release it. You just killed it. It will starve to death or will be eaten. You narcissist has to be taught love. Show them the right way. Do not demand!

Mask

Pretending somebody else is not an easy task. If it were, there would be many more famous actors. But a narcissist like nobody else can play the role of … your choice when in love with you.
They can wear a mask for a long time and be whoever you desire. This is only one thing they were taught while they were young at home. Ways to make their parents always happy with them. It is a coping mechanism.
Your intuition knows and warns you always that this is not genuine. But it is such a good feeling to be with somebody who understands and knows you so well … like your true soulmate.
They mirror you so well that you might feel it is your twin flame. When everything goes down, you think it is just another phase of this dynamic, and you want to wait for them to stop running from this destined love.
I am asking who the bully is here.
Your narcissist has a childhood wound of abandonment. Proper PTSD. They think that if they lose you, they will die. Literally, and out of scarcity, they will do anything to make you like or love them … forever.
But as the task of pretending is difficult for everybody, it does not last for long, and eventually, they show their true self. Maybe even worse than it is in reality because they might have assumed that you will abandon them … after seeing it.

Triangulation

They need assurance that, just in case of being left behind, they would have a backup and help from others. They gather people around them and make them believe in any agenda they create.

Maybe to convince you that they are not that bad and likeable. But more likely to have witnesses that it would not be their fault when something goes wrong. They are incapable of handling self-reflection and cannot accuse themselves of anything.
Guilt would eat them alive.

This sounds horrible, but we should try to understand why they do it. Think about this.
Triangulation makes them collaborate with others. They expose themselves to more people. It is already out of their comfort zone.
It is a huge risk to their ego because they might lose you and the whole community if they don’t get it right. For them, it would be like suicide.
Why, then, do they risk so much? They will, for a person they let come that close to their heart.
You are the most precious “thing” they have ever had. Yes, they do not recognise you as a human anymore. You are their extension, which they can not live without. And they will risk anything to force you to stay. For example, threatening you to take your friends and family away from you.
Do not worry about those people who are easily blinded. They are not worth your time.
If you have to analyse it, think instead about what would help narcissists to stop fearing abandonment.
You would cure so many people! This is worth it.